The Top 10 Lessons I’ve Learned from Watching TV This Summer

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10. There are 3200 tigers left in the wild, but for $8 a month, you can adopt one.

9. “Hamburger Helper” is an Italian food.

8.  According to a Pet Smart commercial, dog and cat owners are now called “pet parents”.

7. All you need to do, to get a party started, is open a box of Ritz crackers.

6. If you open a bottle of Bud Light beer, or spray on some Axe, women will fall from the sky and hunt you down through supermarket aisles.

5. It only takes 30 minutes to build a house, prepare a four-course meal and fix a family crisis that would normally take years and thousands of dollars in therapy bills

4. Moms now urge kids to get dirty and slide downhill head first, because they have Clorox to clean their clothes.

3. It is perfectly acceptable to pass gas and chew gas tablets during job interviews.

2. Air spray bottles detect when a room stinks automatically, and spray themselves so.

And the #1 Lesson I’ve Learned from Watching TV This Summer is:

1. Summer days are sunnier, children and single parents play out together, and even Mom goes skinny-dipping, when you drink Sunny D.

Approve? Disapprove? Debate? Feel free to leave me your comments and pass this along!

P.S. I forgot – a bonus one!

0. In just two hours, you can have a noticeably whiter smile that lasts for two months!

There’s so much I’d like to share with you, and this is a good one to start you with.

By and large, I’m a hardcore rock fan. The Beatles and The Who are always at the top of my playlist, but I am passionate about all musical styles – from classical to jazz, going through ska, reggae, even techno and pure “good ol’ rock’n'roll”. But I must confess,  I have a guilty pleasure: Frank Sinatra.

And how does one explain, or even justify liking Sinatra in this day and age? And especially to those who are  so fond of outrageously commercial, plastic and meaningless synch-pop?

As I pondered this question, I ran across the following poem, written by U2′s Bono. This original piece was used to introduce Frank Sinatra, as he received his 1994 ‘Grammy Legend’ award.

Bono and Sinatra scored a mega-hit, a surprise by all standards, with their version of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” for the Sinatra “Duets” album in 1993.  That particular song changed me. If you have never seen the video or listened to this particular song, take a minute and watch the video. The lyrics, and the way these two guys deliver them, out of this world.

Frank is gold. Frank is cool. Frank’s cool transcends generations. Eons, even. His voice grabs you, takes you for a ride, and doesn’t let go until the end of the song.  And the man has so much *style*.   Such passion, charisma and talent are only seen once in a century. Take that, Lady Gaga.  Take that, Jonas Brothers. Deal with it.

But I don’t think I can explain Sinatra to the world better than Bono. Here are his words:

“Frank never did like Rock and Roll. And he’s not crazy about guys wearing earrings, either. But he doesn’t hold it against me. And anyway, the feeling is not mutual.

Rock and Roll people love Frank Sinatra because Frank has got what we want: swagger and attitude; he’s big on attitude. Serious attitude, bad attitude. Frank’s the Chairman of the bad. Rock and Roll plays at being tough but this guy, well, he’s the boss. The boss of bosses. The man. The big bang of pop. I’m not gonna mess with him, are you? Who’s this guy that every city in America wants to claim as their own? This painter who lives in the desert, this first-rate, first-take actor. This singer who makes other men poets. Boxing clever with every word. Talking like America Tough, straight-up, in headlines. Comin’ through with the big stick, the aside, the quiet compliment. Good cop, bad cop, all in the same breath. You know his story ’cause it’s your story. Frank walks like America—cocksure.

It’s 1945 and the U.S. Cavalry are trying to get their asses out of Europe, but they never really do. They’re part of another kind of invasion. AFR — American Forces Radio (sic). Broadcasting a music that’ll curl the stiff upper-lip of England and the rest of the world. Paving the way for Duke Ellington, the big band, Tommy Dorsey. And right out in front — Frank Sinatra. His voice as tight as a fist. Opening at the end of a bar. Not on the beat, over it, playing with it, splitting it like a jazz man, like Miles Davis. Turning on the right phrase and the right song. Which is where he lives, where he lets go, where he reveals himself. His songs are his home and he lets you in. But you know that to sing like that you’ve gotta have lost a couple of fights. To know tenderness and romance you’ve gotta have had your heart broken.

People say that Frank hasn’t talked to the press, they wanna know how he is, what’s on his mind. But you know Sinatra’s out there more nights than most punk bands. Selling his story through the songs. Telling and articulate in the choice of those songs. Private thoughts on a public address system. Generous.

This is the conundrum of Frank Sinatra. Left and right brain hardly talking. Boxer and painter, actor and singer, lover and father, bandman and loner. Troubleshooter and troublemaker. The champ who would rather show you his scars than his medals. He may be putty in Barbara’s hands. But I’m not gonna mess with him, are you?

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome a man heavier than the Empire State, more connected than the Twin Towers, as recognizable as the Statue of Liberty, and living proof that God is a Catholic!

Will you welcome the King of New York City, Francis Albert Sinatra!”

And since a picture is worth a thousand words, the video is probably even worth more. If you thought the words were powerful, watch the writer deliver them. Then, watch Sinatra as his voice cracks of emotion in front of a live audience, probably for the first time in his career. It’s a tearfully joyful moment.

Here’s to you, Frank. Long Live the Chairman of the Board. You’ve got class.

The ensuing discussions were heated, interesting, argumentative and just plain fun. In return, one of my students asked me “what are YOUR film selections, teacher?”.  Out of my answer to that question, comes the next blog post.

My 5 (plus 2) favorite movies:

1. “The Godfather” series, directed by Francis Ford Coppola (1972-1990). After spending a couple of summer nights watching these movies back-to-back, I realized how monumentally complex these films are. They are more than a novel taken to the big screen. They are very intricate stories, which chronicle the rise and fall and rise and power struggles of your friendly neighborhood mafia brotherhood, the Corleone family.  I challenge anyone of you to see these movies and not think: “wouldn’t it be great to be part of this family!”.   Of course it wouldn’t, but in these films, the grim and dirty dysfunctional reality of the Mob family life is distorted and turned into an average, normal way of life.  The acting is superb and every scene is an acting workshop.  From the opening sequence in “The Godfather”(1972) with Brando,  all the way down to the final moments where Al Pacino’s daughter is assassinated in the climactic scenes of “The Godfather 3” (1990), this is what movies are all about.

2.  “2001: A Space Odyssey” (1968) directed by Stanley Kubrick. It took a philosophy course in college, for me to fully appreciate and understand what this movie was about. This is the standard upon which all science fiction is measured against, and often found lacking. The movie’s  message goes far beyond what any arcade-style action sci-fi thriller can possibly depict. See the sequel, “2010”, only if you want the meaning behind the original movie’s symbolic monolith explained in a very plain and drab way.

3.  “What Dreams May Come” (1998) directed by Vincent Ward. Proudly, I can say this is the first movie that made me cry and continues to do so. If any movie depicts what I humbly believe  happens to us after we die – and before we come back again-  this is it.  Beautiful scenarios, superb graphics and great acting by Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr round-up an amazing cinematic visual experience.

4.  “Airplane!” (1980) directed by the Zucker brothers and Jim Abrahams.  I saw this movie as the second in a double-feature “movie night” at a friend’s house, and this movie taught me the meaning of the expression “laugh until you cry”.  We were in stitches and rolling in the floor, scene after scene. True, my perception of this film may be enhanced by the movie we saw before this one:  “The Elephant Man”, which is its’ total opposite in tone, style and content. However, the jokes in Airplane come fast and furious; I remember reading that they were timed them at a joke every 30 seconds, or so. If you like zany screwball comedies where the puns are all over the place, but the humor does not insult your intelligence, this is it. Forget the sequel.  Unknown to me then, the writer/producers – the Zucker brothers- also created a classic which I worship, released before this one: “Kentucky Fried Movie”.  Any student of cinema who wants to find out what is real comedy, must study these movies.

5.  “Star Wars” or as it is obnoxiously known lately, “Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope” (1977). Directed by George Lucas. This movie has it all: action, adventure, a Saturday-morning-serial plot, great acting and what then was an original and inventive script. I went gaga over this movie, and my favorite characters were Han Solo (I wanted to look like him) and Darth Vader (I wanted to be and sound like him, asthmatic breathing and all).  The special effects are groundbreaking to this day, done the old fashioned way. I’ll take good model photography over CGI and green-screen anytime. The religious cult that has developed around Star Wars, and the never-ending sequels, are an insult to cinema and a con-game which collects victims by the hundreds each day.

And since this is the blog version of my article, I’ll indulge in two more movies:

6. “Mad Max” (1979) directed by George Miller.  This was the first post-apocalyptic movie I ever saw in theaters! My mother actually took me to see this one. Given the film’s depiction of a post-apocalyptic society crumbling to the core, as well as the constant car crashes – a good part of this movie is “road rage” on steroids – she spent ¾ of the movie covering her eyes in horror. Yet, somehow, she saw I was starry-eyed and let me stay until the movie finished.  Mel Gibson’s first role is probably his best ever. I hear talk about a fourth chapter of this saga being in the works, as well as an animated series; but it’s all Gibson-less. I will probably pass on the sequels or reboots for this one.

7. “The Pink Panther Strikes Again” (1976) Directed by Blake Edwards.  I consider myself lucky, because through my life I’ve been introduced to great and classic movies by my friends. My date at the time – and her entire family – were obsessed with the “Pink Panther” films. Thus, if I wanted to spend quality time with this family, it was a requisite to sit down to repeated showings of these films. And what great days they were! If you want to understand what a classic comedian looks and acts like on screen, studying Peter Sellers in the role HE CREATED as “Inspector Clouseau” is a must. You see, Peter Sellers executes comedy with the elegance and grace of a ballet dancer, and nothing like the moronic take-off done by Steve Martin. Any “Pink Panther” film with Sellers on it is equivalent to a lecture on cinematic comedy. If you want to see a good sample of Sellers’ work in the “Pink Panther” series, look no further than here. You can’t help but fall in love with Clouseau. I did. Then, I fell down the stairs just like he does.

And now, just like “Siskel and Ebert” used to do in their show, allow me to bring out Aroma the Educated Skunk, as I present to you:

The three movies I despise the most, so far.

1. “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy (2001-2003). Directed by Peter Jackson. I must confess, I saw all of them. Friends dragged me to see them. As a result, they are no longer my friends. I was not impressed or amused by these movies, except for the soundtrack which is epic in nature. Movies about people who walk lengthy distances just to throw a ring on a pit of fire, and then walk back are really not my cup of tea.

2. “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen” (2009) Directed by Michael Bay. They fell, and fell, and they couldn’t get up. This is the first movie where I have actually sat in the theater, staring at my watch and counting the minutes for the movie to end. Not  even a movie I saw in Fine Arts Cinema, which was entirely in Cantonese and without subtitles, did that to me. Those are two hours I am not getting back.

I’ve followed Transformers all the way since the original animated series, and even the most poorly scripted cartoon episodes have a plot that puts this movie’s storyline to shame.  The death of Optimus Prime has been done to death (no pun intended) in the original series, but in a more successful, emotional and passionate way. If you don’t believe me, look at this. At times, the film acts like a painful re-tread of moments from the franchise’s twenty-five years. For fun, try to spot Megan Fox’s most imposing physical attributes throughout the movie: her toe-thumbs.

3. “King Kong” (2005) Directed by Peter Jackson. I refer, of course, to the remake. A movie about an anatomically incorrect giant ape who falls in love with a woman the size of his thumb: sounds like a great plot! Peter Jackson and Jack Black together? A match not-made in heaven.  Watch out for the climactic scene where they’re all atop the Empire State building. Normally, people standing at such high altitudes would have some difficulty breathing. much less utter corny dialogue.  Given the intensity of the wind, the girl’s clothes should be on top of her head after 30 seconds! Miraculously, it all stays in place. Except my sanity.

Feel free to comment, agree or disagree! I want to hear what you have to say.

Piece of Evidence #1:  the following video was recorded by John Lennon on his country home, Cold Spring Harbor (upstate New York) allegedly around the second half of 1979. After a brief vacation, his wife Yoko was coming over to spend time with the family. John wanted to greet her with this presentation.  The song, “Dear Yoko”,  would eventually end up in his 1980 album, “Double Fantasy“.

Now, be good, and hit the ‘Play’ button. Listen carefully!  Keep in mind this is John Lennon at home, rehearsing a song ‘unplugged’. Quite a treat!

Piece of evidence #2: fast forward 28 years into the future. Paul McCartney reveals to the world his next big single, a song called “Dance Tonight”.  For the complete background check on the song and the video, click here.

Again, hit the ‘Play’ button and listen with care!

If you’re thinking anything like what I thought listening to the songs, you probably went “whoa.. they are VERY similar”. Indeed they are! Your next thought is probably “wait, did Paul copy John’s song?”

Chronologically, the “Dear Yoko” demo comes first, so that would make it plausible, but not likely. Were they just playing upon familiar themes and chords that date back to the days of their childhood? I think this is a more correct explanation of the facts, as I have no evidence that Paul was even aware of the existence of this demo video.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to put forth a conspiracy theory or anything. I just want to make a point: two guys who were very good friends, extremely competitive about each other, and probably two of the most recognizable faces on the planet,  could write two very similar songs.

“Why are they using chords that resemble a mandolin/banjo/ukulele?” you may ask? Well, Lennon was trained on the banjo by his late Mum, Julia.  Quirky-sounding string instruments feature prominently on the Beatles history, to the point that as their last song, “Free As A Bird” fades away, you can hear a ukulele play in the background, as Lennon says “Turned out nice again, didn’t it?” – in typical backwards loop tape fashion. Want to listen to that very cool ending? It’s on  Youtube!

As I see the videos and hear the songs, I can’t help but wonder what the world missed by John’s death. Every day, more and more evidence mounts to the fact that the Beatles were concocting a reunion (on that link, scroll down to the 1980 entry for the info). What would that reunion have been like? By now, it’s anyone’s guess.

This little and rather remarkable coincidence, as shown in these videos and song arrangements,  is worth exploring as a footnote in Beatles history.

Do you think Paul copied John? Care to comment? By all means do!

“..director Sam Raimi pulled out of Spider-Man 4 because he felt he couldn’t make its summer release date and keep the film’s creative integrity. This means that Raimi and the cast including star Tobey Maguire are out. There will be no Spider-Man 4. Instead, Mike Fleming is told, the studio will focus on a Summer 2012 reboot from a script by Jamie Vanderbilt with a new director and a new cast.”

My two cents: I’m happy for the fact that the franchise is going into a different direction.  I wish Tobey the best. I hope he “swings” into action with different roles. I honestly can’t take more of the Emo-Spidey that was concocted for the last “Spider Man” film.

When “Spider Man 3″ came out, and just like many people I knew, I bought the tickets way in advance.  On release day I took my seat in the darkened theater – giant bucket of popcorn in one hand and “grotesquely” large drink in the other.  I remember it was a particularly cramped screening, but I thought it was worth it.

And then, the unbelievable happened. I was annoyed enough to write  a scathing review of the film.  Here’s the abridged text of my review. The article,  in its’ entirety may be found at Deviantart:

“Years ago, I learned that when a movie has a mega-publicity campaign, it’s for one reason. The studio has done its’ homework. They’ve done market research. They know it won’t sit well with the audience, and that it will fizzle soon.

Therefore, they have to minimize damage by making you believe that it’s the “most awesome movie ever made” by watching the trailers, reading the billboards, seeing the reruns of parts 1, 2, 3, etc. on tv, re-releasing it on DVD with 3 more seconds of extra footage, etc.

The result: you (should I say “we”?) are then suckered into the theater like there’s a vacuum cleaner at the door on the first week. You see it. You then know it’s lame. By the time you spread the word, it’ll take a week or two and the movie then starts to limp thru box office returns. Then it hits the video and international market, and the income grows.

That’s exactly the case with Spider Man 3.

This movie is lame. Period. There’s no other way to put it.

At this point, I can hear you say “Gasp! How dare you, Zort! The trailer looks awesome! You’re a meanie!”.

For starters, the movie doesn’t make up its’ mind whether it’s an action movie, a musical, a “Gone with the Wind” remake where Rhett Buttler webslings in and out of the screen, or (heaven forbid!) a superhero flick. I think the cardinal rule movie that any writer/director should keep in mind is: “What movie do I want to make?” and then, you tell *that* story.

This has to be the first comic book hero film where everybody cries. Spiderman cries. Aunt May cries. MJ cries. Sandman cries. Uncle Ben cries (in a flashback). Even Venom sheds a tear or two, because it suffers of an unhealthy a “Spidey Fixation”. Maybe Venom is jealous because when the asteroid that carried him to Earth crashed near the spot where Parker and MJ were making out, Parker didn’t pay attention to it. Or who knows? Maybe Venom was impressed at Spidey’s suave moods as he was making out with his girlfriend on a spider web. *Insert Sexy Growl Here*

Seriously, Peter Parker needs to buy the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Everybody he comes across either falls in love with him, or just plain hates him. The problem, in this movie, is that he doesn’t truly fight for truth, justice and the American way. Leave that to Batman or Superman. He just fights those who get annoyed at him, pick on him for no reason whatsoever, and then decide to kill him.

After sitting thru Spider Man 3, frankly, I don’t blame them.

Parker .. now lives in squalor inside an apartment he can barely walk thru. His life spent glued to a shortwave radio, where he’s listening to the police radio signal 24/7. He doesn’t have a steady job, and as he approaches 30, still hasn’t completed his college degree.

I’ll tell you what Spider Man needs: a manager. If he was making ANY money from the licensing of his image inside the fictional New York he lives in, he’d be making MILLIONS. Because every kid in NYC carries his effigy in a costume, a pajama, a shirt, a balloon, etc. Then, I’m positive that he could be dating Mary Jane, Betty and Gwen Stacy; and NONE of them wouldn’t ever complain about him being poh.

What else is missing from this movie? Aside from an intelligent plot and action scenes where Spidey doesn’t get thrown around buildings and walls like the computer generated character he is? Spider Man’s classic one-liners, for one thing. I thought that was the magic of Spider Man, you know? Being able to make fun of his enemies in the face of danger. Also absent is his patented “Spidey Sense”, which never failed him in the earlier films. It would’ve saved him from a couple of unnecessary poundings.

What did I enjoy? The “tag team battle” between Venom & Sandman vs. Spider Man and Green Goblin Jr. But sadly, that was a case of “too little, too late” to save the movie in my opinion. I also enjoyed the McFarlanesque way that Venom’s fluid moves around and takes over people. There’s more than a vague reminder of McFarlane’s style (and of his creation “Spawn”) in that little effect. I think they owe good ol’ Todd McFarlane a Happy Meal. Or a cameo.

And then you wonder two things, as you sit helplessly glued to the sticky floor of the theater: “What is THIS?”. Followed by “HOW MUCH LONGER ‘TILL IT ENDS?”.

In the words of Stan Lee, ‘Nuff said’. “

Care to comment? Opinions are welcome!

Let’s get something straight: Pete Townshend was, in effect, cleared of all charges of child pornography. That is an undeniable fact. According to the case’s discussion on “The Smoking Gun”:

“Townshend was nabbed [...] on suspicion of possessing indecent images of children, though no such photos were found following a search of his home and computer. At the time of his arrest, Townshend admitted using his credit card to visit a web site offering child porn, but told cops he was just conducting research.”

Wow, so much for a conviction. The evidence! Where is it? If this would’ve happened in the States, he probably would’ve been cleared instantly. Whatever happened to “no body, no case”?

No offense intended towards any of my readers,  but the fact that certain factions inside British law have always been overzealous in their pursuits of the evil wrongdoings of rock stars, has been widely documented over the years. I don’t know why, but this reeks of the cannabis-possession case which got Lennon in so much trouble back in the late 60′s. This is the same case that gave the Nixon administration the fuel it was looking for – the perfect excuse! – to get Lennon deported. I smell a gross manipulation of the facts in Townshend’s case as well. What is even worse, an investigator looking into the inquiry admitted he was “falsely accused”.  The source article for that last statement is available here.

Child abuse features prominently in Townshend’s work. It is, in fact, one of the underlying themes of The Who’s  magnum opus, the rock-opera “Tommy”.  But it has never been depicted on a permissive way. Quite the opposite! Tommy, the character, suffers abuse from his evil cousin Kevin, his stepfather and a mother who neglects him.

To date,  and after this ‘conviction’ took place, Townshend has performed relentlessly across the world. In the US alone, he has performed over 100 dates. Townshend has also lent his support to endless children’s charities, both  in Britain and all over the planet. Townshend has been an active champion of children’s charities. I’ll let Wikipedia explain the facts better than I ever will:

“The debut of Pete Townshend’s stage version of Tommy took place at San Diego’s La Jolla Playhouse in July 1992. The show was earmarked as a benefit for the London-based Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy Foundation, an organization which helps children with autism and mental retardation.

Townshend performed at a 1995 benefit organized by Paul Simon at Madison Square Garden‘s Paramount Theatre, for The Children’s Health Fund. The following year, Townshend performed at a benefit for the Bridge School Benefit, a California facility for children with severe speech and physical impairments with concerts organized by Neil Young each year. In 1997, Townshend established a relationship with Maryville Academy, a Chicago area children’s charity. Between 1997 and 2002, Townshend played five benefit shows for Maryville Academy, raising at least $1,600,000. His 1998 album A Benefit for Maryville Academy was made to support their activities and proceeds from the sales of his release were donated to them.

As a member of The Who, Pete Townshend has also performed a series of concerts, beginning in 2000, benefitting the Teenage Cancer Trust in the UK, raising several million pounds. In 2005, Townshend performed at New York’s Gotham Hall for Samsung’s Four Seasons of Hope, an annual children’s charity fundraiser, and donated a smashed guitar to the Pediatric Epilepsy Project. “

Hasn’t this man done enough to clear his name? Not only is he a strong advocate for drug rehabilitation and charities, but his long arm windmills straight into the history of Amnesty International itself, on whose behalf he has participated, on many an event over the years.

Asking Townshend to register as a sex offender, based on a technicality is wrong.  Does this mean that if a murderer is cleared of charges, he/she still has to register under some type of citizen surveillance program? Is this supposed to stalk you for the rest of your life, even if you’re innocent? This is what I question behind the rationale behind this so-called petition.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “no publicity is bad publicity”.  If  Townshend & The Who play the Super Bowl, trust me, the ratings will go through the roof and the sponsors will make their millions. But we have to separate the musical performance of a legendary rock act from false facts, and these speak for themselves: Townshend is a classic rock legend with a conscience, the likes of which they don’t make anymore.

Maybe, in the end,  he is too classy for the Super Bowl.  Let the man- and the Who- rock. Let the Super Bowl shine.

Long live rock.

Discussing the difference between writing for Twitter and blogging, I realized that the Twitter experience is all about instant gratification. Twitter makes you think fast, and in spurts, so it’s a good way to give your creative side a workout. Not to mention that it opens so many doors to so many souls across our known planet. Somehow, after being in Twitter for a couple of weeks, this planet does seem smaller. On the other hand, good blogging is more intense and passionate. It’s like a full body workout.

In our technologically enhanced world, we are slowly eradicating the meaning of loneliness and solitude. The speed and impact of the barrage of information with which we are hit, is strong enough to induce a rush of the most intense size. No way is the human mind trained to deal with so much, so fast. One can get used to this.

The real dangers, to us all, lie in expecting reality to duplicate the technologically induced experience I describe. There is some underlying naiveté in opening these doors, but the experience reminds me of days when the Web was new.

Somehow, we are all becoming more human by embracing the directions our communication technologies are taking us. Those are words I never, ever thought I’d be putting together. It is, however, a possibility that we must explore. Maybe that is where the next step in our evolution will be found.

(Note: reference to Star Trek eliminated in the closing line, for fear of being guilty of tired clichés).

My favorite variation of the recipe is ‘pralines and cream’ from Baskin Robbins – and are there any others?

Of course. But not for me.

A quick run through Google demonstrates that Hagen Dasz has one, and so does Nestle. I tried the Baskin Robbins version as a kid, and I never bothered with anything else in that store. “31 flavors”, they boast. Ha. Not one is as enticing as ‘pralines and cream’ remains to me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a commercial endorsement! Did you know that Kim Kardashian, who boasts over 2 million Twitter followers, *allegedly* sells space in her Twitter posts for $10K a pop? Nothing wrong with that, of course. If it’s true, I admire her for it. That’s a small business idea I wouldn’t mind putting into practice.

But back to ice cream, which is after all, what brought me here.

I’ve always seen that ‘butter pecan’ thing as a ‘pralines and cream’ wannabe. As if they were in a competition with each other. You know, the pecans are just trying to be classy and uppity like pralines- something they’re not -  and the butter keeps trying to be as luscious as the cream but failing miserably in the process.

You could even say that ‘pralines and cream’ is the city cousin, and ‘butter pecan’ is the country bumpkin cousin. The kind of cousins who look at each other over the shoulder. “I’m so much better than he is” – they say, to themselves, with an air of superiority. And all that.

My choice is, of course, clear. My relationship with ‘pralines and cream’ will remain strong. And sorry, ‘butter pecan’. I guess we’ll always have the ice cream aisle of the supermarket.